Complications

Its been my whole life(till this morning) that I have been thinking and more or less frequently asking a lot about Who am I? What am I? and Why am I here? and finally came to the conclusion that its futile, just the waste of my unproductive time. I felt very dejected and started to despise myself for not being able to solve this riddle. I call it a riddle as my behavior was very confusing and all great riddles are also very confusing. I started to read books, poems, blogs, Play games (Mostly outdoor games and table tenis) and it brought a very good utilization of my unproductive time. This unproductive time majorly included time at CCR in L. A.,monthly operation review presentation and soft skill training programs organized by my company, And minor part of time in colony. But all this couldn’t help me to get answers for those questions. So I started thinking weather I am asking the right questions? And I rephrased each one of it. And then started thinking on and asking that Who I am? What I am and Why I am here? But this also didn’t help.

Mean time, now more frequently than that previous slot of my life I started to study for GMAT, Got very consistent in starting it. I was very happy that I finally found consistency in my inconsistency. But the major problem used to arise when I was due to start my studies again. Again that filling of dejection and all those synonyms used to haunt me. I was not happy in-spite of the handsome bulk of money that I used get from my employer, all my friends studying in MBA, All my relative happy about my success. (I still don’t know what definition of success is there?)All these things were not expression of my ability, capability, talent, gift, dexterity and all other synonyms. So I urged to find out that expression. I tried many faces in front of mirror but none matches it. And I end up writing another good for nothing poem titled “Whether I see mirror or mirror see me.”

I started sharing my feeling of dejection and all its synonyms with my friends, asked them for help. One suggested Yoga, other suggested meditation, one other suggested  books and other one suggested  Movies but nothing helped. Then one of the greatest friend of mine from his own tested philosophy suggested having a Girlfriend. I thought this is new, let’s try it out. So I started trying it out.

It was very tricky job, I mean being in place like I was in, how was I going to get it? And true to my belief that “ Sher kabhi ghas nahi khata!” I too was not ready for getting anything that comes along. And I thought I should wait.

Then, whether I got girlfriend or girlfriend got me? How did I do that or How did she do that? All these questions are immaterial;the moral of that trying story is the learning that I got from it. And few of those are as follows.

•     If at all you want to be in a relationship with a normal girl(I would suggest not too), Learn three words that you will have to use mostest frequently,And those are “I am Sorry!” And practice this in a being sorry tone.
•     If she says that she loves you, it does not at all mean that she loves you. It can be love, like for a friend boy and not for a boyfriend. So whenever you come across this sentence, without further delay get it confirmed.
•    They like chocolates a lot. (that’s too obvious)
•     If she says that she is mad at you, It means that she wants you to confront her with the mistake you have made.
•    If she says that promise me that you wont leave me alone like others, It means that only you are obliged to this pact and not her. 
• Never ask her while signing above pact that how many were there. 
•    If she ask you that how does she looks, remember weather a truth or lie it should always be in her favor. 
• Always hit 'like' button for whatever she posts on Facebook.
•    You can always stare at other beautiful girl while she is around but remember to loathe them for the clothes or style.
•   Remember to maintain a stock of chocolates at your refrigerator; it will come handy to say sorry.
•  Whenever she says I love you, you have to reply with I love you and not with hmm, ha, ok. And if you say I love you, it’s not necessary that she should reply.
•   If she say that she don’t want to talk, never ever cut the line, you will only get scolded and come to know that its the time to use those mostest frequently used words.
• And always remember that she is a GIRL, and its only your duty to support her whenever she needs  and not hers.   
• Bottom line: SHE IS NEVER WRONG.
• Even if because of her own doing, something goes wrong, It’s your and only your duty to say sorry for that.
•  If sometimes you think and know that she is wrong, Just remember the Bottom line.

         I must have left some or many of the facts about my learning in the trying out thing, But you know as I had said earlier, there are three main changes that we feel when we grow up. First of it is we start to forget things. Second is   hmmm,  hmmm

         I forgot the other two. 

         But it feels good to be back. After experiencing such a heart broken realization about my inability to find out Who I am? What I am and Why I am here? (Even that trying to have a girlfriend thing didn’t help). After so many books, movies, games, parties and  having a So called girlfriend, the truth of it came to me in Bolero, while I was going for office.

The story goes like this, I got a message from Murugan Sir,

2             3             4             15           12

3             4             5             28           20

4             5             6             X             30

5             6             7             66           42

6             7             8             91           56

Find X, only 3 % genius find answer, reply if you can?

          

         So in reason to satisfy my ego, I sat down trying to solve the riddle. I spent about a hour with paper and pen in office, and came out with the answer that X is 45. Seating on the chair, me and my ego were very happy that finally we have got the answer, But the next instant it was flatten by the massage from the Murugan sir. It said…

X is in 3^rd row and 4^th column. I just asked you to find X.

Your answer is also right. But don’t complicate question.

        So this is how its done, all answers are there. We just complicate the questions by thinking more and more, Cos everyone wants to satisfy his/her ego. I too tried to do that.

Now if you are wondering that whether I got the answers for my questions, then I would say, Co-relating to the philosophy of not complicating questions, answers are as follows.

Que: Who I am?

Bongar AKA Pankaj Shrawan Khoke

What I am?

I am The Man.

Why I am here?

Because of my mom and dad.

Utter Absurdness

The only reason why I often miss people’s attention is because my glitter fade my existence. And maybe that’s why they don’t see my face glowing as they are already blind because of its glow. (It’s just another way of saying that fair and handsome for mens does not meet its commitment.

And yes, can anyone let me know how to remove some blog from reading list.    “ You got to do what you got to do”. (Don’t bother about that line its just some dialogue from the movie that is being played in my room.)  But do let me know about the way to remove some blog from my reading list. Its just that sometimes it brings back some painful memories. (Like, once I wanted to go to ISB so I started following its admission wala blog). You can understand, right!

 If I say that our thoughts are like a chain reaction, one brings another in. What would you say? Hmm, Ok don’t bother. For example you start with riding a bicycle and you will end up with “desh ki kya durdasha ho rahi he?".(I am still working on how did cycle wala got up to that thought while riding). Other than that, you will also end up being a husband of every beautiful girl that cross your way, and being a father of her child (I am talking about end product over here and not the process) then, having dinner from her own hand, and you will see how she is arranging each small detail in the house (other than your chaddi’s, you don’t think of them while riding a bicycle), She is making your house beautiful like in dreams(So basically what I meant to say is that,  in your dreams she(every beautiful girl that cross your path) is making your house beautiful just like in your dreams, great!!,  cant we have a ready-made beautiful house in the dreams at least.) These dreams basically are the product of the unconscious mind, except for the time when a beautiful girl is crossing your road. Yeh sunder ladkiya ache acchhoko sula deti he (Muhavara he bhai). So where were we? Ahh Right! DREAMS!, These are the product of our unconscious mind in which some subconscious part of it is taking over the unconscious part and conscious part don’t know nothing about it because he is sleeping, He has got a presentation tomorrow;  so please let him sleep. The main theme of the dream is actually decided by our subconscious mind unconsciously and the playlist is always on the shuffle mode but the most probability is for those themes which are happening currently. And most important of all the best dreams are those which cross this threshold of probabilitiness and dwell into the most improbable part of that list to just surprise us. And give us that Ooo teri!Wapis sone de wali feeling.And For those who don’t dream(I mean dreams while sleeping and not like-I want to be a engineer wale Dreams) it means that they haven’t got any subconscious or unconscious part of brain, I really feel sorry for them, And happy for cycle walas that everyone of them has got bigger brains than the others. You know, I also had a dream, and that too I want to be a engineer wala dream. I always wanted to be a Doctor at first, and then many things thereafter, most of which  are not important, So I am not listing them here)But mudde ki bat yeh ki , recalling these dreams always leave me in pain. No No, there is one more thing more painful than that. “I am in Orissa, no no, it should be more like I am still in Orissa.  (This is the biggest of the pain)). (Wo konsa bracket kahase shuru hota he uspe pe dhyan mat do, likhte likhte bhul jata hu)

It had been over 5 years that I am in Orissa but honestly, there are many things I don’t understand. Like...

1.    Why does every other person is named bhahina.

2.    Even if he is male why is it we have to call him bhahina. I guess they should split this word as bhai na.

3.    Though odiya has got a status of an independent language, people haven’t got any respect for it. Every sentence will finish with Chhi. Even during talks of food. See this…

a.     Khana khau chhiiiii!

b.    Koti jau chiiii!

c.     Kono karu chhiiii!

d.    Aimiti kono pai bulu chhiii!

No hard feelings, but from the time I got over here, I find that people here suffer a lot from cof and cold. And I guess thats why they sneez too much. (Go through the list in point #2)
There are number of sneezing types in other regions also, like
Gujarat: su chhe su chhe su chhe
North (Thoda dhang ke log) : chhi, kshamakijiye
North east:  -------
(wo unki nak choti hoti he to chhikne ki aawaj bhi sunai nahi deti)
Tamil:   ஆயுசுநூறு (Dont ask me what does that mean)
Andhra: chhi pendi

Marathi: acchhi, shrrrrr shrrrr (This sound is for blowing nose)

Hariyana:  aachhi b*en**od

Panjabi: La cchhi behen di

Bangali:  Ma chhhi (khub  bhalo)

NOTE: The above list does not mean no harm to nobody. Its just there to console soul of people of regions. (This also includes myself and Viru Tau ) and also to tell every soul that he is not different from others, (Though Gita says so).

Apart from this chain reaction, there are things that I think I should share with you. but you know I am too selfish and tired . So needs a rest. So I am gonna go and switch my unconsciously subconscious mind into that improbabilitius region and think about that desh ki durdasha wali thing. So see you later. 

Just felt a sudden urge to imprint these thoughts whille I was on BSNL tower. So I am here imprinting them.
I dont know from how long that thing was in mind to see colony from that height, To feel that fear that tension, that a single mistake, a wrong step, a slipping hand, a drop of swate might take my life. And after reaching over there i came to know that, this should be the point, the feeling one should experience just before giving away his life. By the way, my time is yet to come.
But the problem is, even if one had that thought and climbed that giant tower for the purpose, He or she will definatly think off not to do it. He would want to live from there. In that time and also to experience it further and to share it with his or her dear one.

He sat there looking at the sky, the night was more darker than usual, . He could feel that dampness in the air as there was in his eyes. It had been years for anything from his heart that has made out from his eyes, they were dry like without life. He never thought something would really bring him to this. But that thing was hurting him a lot. That thing has made him think about every dearest thing in his life, How everything one by one has fallen apart, and everything that is going to. He was feeling lost somewhere alone, having nothing to leave by. Leaving him drained of all the hope for happiness. But the only thought that was not leaving him was that He has made this to happen. Something was asking him why he has let it come to this, wasnt he happy with himself that he started to look for someone to share himself with. He was chocking inside, he was feeling like he can not breath anymore.......

Lying Down

Lying down alone on the ground,
looking in the dark but there was nothing to be found

He was there with that silence, disturbed with the noise within.

It  wasn't in the past, these things he would think.
But it was the present that was more bothering him.
with fear that he is turning his back to..

That was the calmness he was happy with while walking alone,
And this is the darkness that he search for now .

looking at the stuff coming from within he sometimes think of why is he doing this.
But shocked by seeing the sand where he has written it,
he lay down  there looking above searching for something not to be found,

He is not looking for it, but still hoping it will come.

he is feeling dizzy just by the overdose of his thoughts.
but it ain't the sleep that is coming to him.

Its silence that is laughing at him, as its out there some where.
He lie down there alone, looking in the dark........

Opinions

                                                                                                                               

                Something that we always get. Something that we always give. Sometimes we always look forward to. Sometimes we do not . Sometimes we face it, sometimes we flee from it. Sometimes these are imposed. Sometimes we suffer from it. Sometimes we enjoy a fruit of it. But its just an opinion and we will always like as long as its ours. I don’t know what happiness does that give them, they will always stand in front to give it . And then it is  immaterial weather you follow that opinion or not. They have like jadu ka matka which is full of these. I don’t know weather this is the case with we Indians only. We are never short of these. And if someone gives us one of these and we don’t follow it, Then it’s a win win situation for them. Cos if done good in that situation he is happy. And if we  couldn’t do it then also He is happy. Cos we had given him a chance to say, that famous diologue of ours, “Me to bol hi raha tha”

                These opinion are like an ASS everyone will have one. They will protect it always no matter what. But there are some basic differences in these two. To say about opinion, everyone put If forword, look forward to it. But we don’t have this option with our ass. It will always be where it is. And we can never look forward to it, You know what I mean.  Sometimes these opinions are referred as thoughts, sometimes they are asked in the name of help. You know this can never be the case with our beloved ASS.
               Can one  turn his  back on his  back, I guess " No" Must be the  answer. So no one will  turn his  back on his  opinion either. Every one will protect it no matter what. Just like he protect his Ass. Everyone will  Love it no matter what, because everyone loves his own ass.